Getting worse before getting better

That little koan has been reverberating through me for a little while now.

Which sucks.

A year ago I was offered a 20hr/wk job that paid $11/hr working in an after school program a half-hour drive from where I live. It would have required me to give up weekday reffing (which some months pays more than $220 a week), and was an entry-level education position offered to someone with over ten years experience in public education.

My potential supervisor could've been one of my students.

I passed it up, thinking 'something better will come along'.

Last month, I was offered a 12 hour/week job that paid $12/hr working in an after school program an hour-drive from home.

Uff.

A year ago July I passed up an offer to work in ground-zero social service agency, a very large, very infamous drop-in center for the most destitute homeless population in the very large city that I live in. The office I was interviewed in looked over the spot where a few months early, a 20 year old woman had been randomly and tragically shot dead. The offer was for $26,000 a year to work an entry-level job in the trenches. My rationale was that I had already worked in the trenches, and my last job paid me $28,000, so with a Master's degree I should get more, right?

Tonight I interviewed for a residential care facility for mentally ill children. The interviewer -who was a cool woman by all means- told me flat  out the realities of the position. "Our policy for self-inflicted harm is to not intervene until it's life threatening. So I've sat for hours with clients cutting themselves like this (motions perpendicularly with the wrists = non-life threatening cutting) instead of (motions parallel to the wrist = life-threatening), with blood rushing out of their arms while talking to them about developing coping strategies and problem solving. Is this something you can handle?"

I worked in the trenches with "at-risk" youth 15 years ago and one reason I got a graduate degree was so I didn't have to do that sort of work any more.

I don't want the job.

How much worse is it going to get?

No news is no news

Oh hey there, blog, how you doing?

Long time no see. No, I haven't forgotten you. I know you're still here, like the homeless vets at the freeway entrance asking for money and other social malaise. I've just been awkwardly and cowardly turning my head in the other direction.

It's not that I haven't had anything to write, it's just that this blog is a dumping ground of depressing updates, which are depressing cause they aren't really updates, like "I got a job!" Or "good things are happening to my personal situation and I should be happy!"

Let us recap the summer;

June: Officially pass the two year mark of being unemployed. The date was almost as depressing as passing the 1000 application mark a few weeks before.

June: Also broke up with girlfriend after 7 years. I'd like to think unemployment was only part of it; that most couples real up eventually and we had other issues. The reality is we will never know. 

(I'd also like to say that we just "changed status to roommates, that we're better friends than boyfriend/girlfriends, that we still love each other, etc etc, but this a blog about my unemployment, not my relationship, so enough of that talk.)

July: July was most noted for a particular job I'd interviewed for and had high hopes for, but rejected me after an especially long, drawn out and teasing delay. That really hurt. Almost as bad as the two year mark for unemployment, or the 1000 application date.

I also had a birthday, just reminded me that I'm even older and being unemployed, less successful than I've ever been in my life. 

I'm supposed to be in my grinding years, saving away for retirement, raising kids (which I don't have cause I'm unemployed) or at least saving money so I can help my parents when they grow old, which is coming up quickly.

It was a hard birthday.

August: We had to put our dog down. That was far worse than the 1000th application, the two year anniversary of unemployment, or the good job that rejected me. It was one of the hardest moments of my life, but still nothing like losing a loved one.

August, Part II: Visited family to deal with some family shit that's somewhat unique, fairly complicated and extremely stressful. It's worthy of a blog if its own and let me just summarize by saying that on tip of everything else, it really sucks.

August, Part III: On the other side if the family, some shit erupted there too which is also complicated, stressful, and on tip of everything else really, really shitty. Goddam fucking family.

September: That's leaves us with today, which is now mid-September so I can say I've been unemployed 2 years and three months. And counting.

So that's why I haven't written.

Hope you're well!

Love,

WWF...

It's now July

It's been a while since I posted. Plenty has been going on.

Shortly after my last post in early June, my girlfriend and I split up after seven years together. 

We say it was mutual, we say we're still friends, we say we just down-graded to roommates, and for the most part that's true. But I can't help but wonder how two years of unemployment wore on our relationship. I can't say it caused the breakup, but definitely played a part in it.

She's moved to the back room and gave notice at her work too. She'll be there until November, after which we're hoping she goes on a long voyage to Africa to save the bonobos.

Around the same time I sought out in desperation an old friend and poured out my situation. We got to talking, and what came out of the conversation was a plan for his tiny nonprofit organization (on which I happen to be on the board). I've been working hard on that since, developing a proposal -including a fundraising plan- to the rest of the board in two weeks. It'll be a lot of work, but honestly I have nothing better to do.

I can't remember how many interviews I had in the last month (of, thanks notes, I had four!) but one of those interviews I had in May -you may recall one of them was an especially painful rejection- one of them came through. A part-time, temp, on-call position with the YMCA that might be 30 hours a month.

It pays $10 hour. I can't remember the last time I made $10 an hour, aside from being a camp counselor last summer.

Oh yeah, my birthday is in a couple days, which coincides with a small previously arranged fundraiser for this nonprofit. I'm in the awkward position of asking my friends to come to this fundraiser, which is also my birthday, and breaking to them the news of my breakup, cause my ex-girlfriend/roommate will be there.

And our dog is getting very old. She won't make it through the summer.

Here's me and my dog.

Tough Day, part 700

I had a tough day.
Remember the five interviews I had in one week at the beginning of May? The last one finally got back to me.
To review for those of you new to the saga: I applied for the job on April 4th.
I had a screening phone interview on April 10th, and then another weird second phone screening on the 26th, which was nearly identical to the first.
Interview was on May 6th, and I gotta say I 'nailed it' (though obviously, I didn't).
It was for a mid-sized social service agency.
The hiring manager said it'd be a slow process, but they would make a decision "in a week or two".
Thus began the long game of tag, which included his ten day vacation, his supervisor chiming in, and twice saying "we'll make a decision by Friday".

They told me today they "went with another candidate".

I'm all over the place here. I hate them for dragging me on more than not hiring me. I hate them for their impersonal, callous approach; their inability to even give me a call, talk to me personally, or even be straight with me a month ago. I would appreciate something like "we interviewed  5 people for 3 positions; you're our 5th choice" or something like that.

Is that so wrong?

So, those are some thoughts.  But it's been a tough day after a long, difficult week.

This is totally off topic.

How to get feedback?

I have a situation I'd like your help with.

Yesterday I got word that I didn't get one of the jobs I'd interview for recently (3 down, 2 to go).  Here's the email:

Thank you for your email.  We will be doing the second panel of interviews this week.  … I am sorry to say we are moving forward with other candidates at this time.  Thank you very much for your time and interest in the positions.  We wish you the best in your job search.  Please consider us again for future opportunities.

I'm very used to getting these rejections, but is it just me, or is it just wrong to include that second sentence, especially BEFORE telling me that they're "moving forward with other candidates..."

Mind you, this is the HR person who rubbed me pretty wrong by insisting to use a speaker phone in the initial screening interview, so I don't have a high opinion of her already.

So, question 1: is it worth me giving her unsolicited professional feedback?

Before I decide to do that, though, I'd thought I'd seek out feedback about the IV. I wanted to talk to Anne the ED; I told HR that, and she replied:

Anne has a very busy schedule.  If you have particular questions please send them to me and we will respond via email.

I thought I could just skip her and so I called the office today asking to speak to the ED. The receptionist said, "Anne is out of town. the HR person can answer any of your questions about the hiring process".

So, I'm a little frustrated. I'd like feedback, both general and specific, ideally a brief casual conversation about my performance. For the level of position, candidates deserve feedback.

So, what's a polite yet accurate questions that would yield direct, constructive feedback?

Some of the interview questions I've gotten

These are from yesterday's panel interview at the small social service agency. They gave me 20 minutes to prepare, which I really appreciated. Still, a couple threw me off...

1. What interests you most about our mission and work?

2. What specifically interests you about the job? (note: is that redundant?)

3. This position requires a high level of project management skill. Please walk us through some examples of your project management experience. Also, tell us about your project management strengts. tell us about some challenges or difficulties you have faced in project management.

4. As part of your responsibilities in project management, you will need to balance long-term, medium-term and immediate-term projects, including projects that require input from other internal and external parties. What would your approach be to prioritizing these projects and getting them completed in a timely manner?

5. Give us an example of a time that you worked multiple stakeholders with whom you had very little leverage with. How did you build and manage these partnerships towards positive outcomes?

6. Tell us about a time when you were able to successfully propose a strategy or plan to your team or someone in a leadership position?

7. How would you work with a group that had competing agendas? For example, in our work, we see opposing agendas played out between community colleges whose end goal is for a student to complete a certificate of degree while the community-based agency working with the low-income individual wants to see them find a living wage job, regardless if they complete training.

8. Tell us about your public speaking experience. What were the topics you spoke about or presented on? How large was the audience? Describe your approach or strategy when presenting complex ideas? What are some of the presentation techniques you use? What is your experience in designing trainings?

9. How would you describe your facilitation style? Give us an example.

10. Describe a situation where there was a disagreement with your approach to a problem. How did you resolve it?

11. What is the best management advice o lessons or have learned about recently? How have you incorporated the advice or lessons into your work?

12. This organization has a reputation and takes great price in being an innovator.... Please tell us about yoru experience in innovation and in particular about managing the "tensions" inherent in innovation.

13. Please tell us about the ways in which you have contributed to the improvement of a system or process in a previous role/ What approach or strategy did you use to assess and implement the improvements?
I think I collapsed from exhaustion by the time I got to this question.

They also asked two bonus question not previewed beforehand:

X14. What is your experience working with diverse populations?

X15. What have not asked you that we should have?

QUESTIONS FROM LAST WEEK'S INTERVIEW

1. What interests you in this position?

2. What are some common barriers homeless youth and young adults may experience?

3. Describe your knowledge of Young Adult housing resources in the county.

4. What experience do you have working directly with service providers on behalf of clients? How do you manage the needs and realities of clients with the needs and realities of the service providers?

5. Please give an example of an ethical dilemma you've experienced and how you handled the situation.

6. Please describe your familiarity with [this program] and the people it will impact?

7. This is a new program nd will require a lot of flexibility. Please give an example of your experience in a work environment that changed policies and processes quickly or routinely.

8. Do you have experience working with [these computer programs']? What databases have you worked with?

9. We believe employees and volunteers should work in and contribute to an environment that fosters respect and teamwork. Please describe a time when working as part of a team you experienced either a positive or negative outcome. How did it influence you in your work?

10. This organization acknowledges the pervasiveness of racism in American society, institutions, and communities. We are committed to making our services, agencies, and communities free of divisive and dehumanizing ravages of racism. As part of that commitment, we are aggressively addressing this issue with the recent development of a new diversity/inclusion training. This training is delivered to new employees as part of orientation.... blah blah....

1. A. Could you please tell us about an experience you have had with co-workers from a racial background different from yoru won? Why did you choose to share this experience?
2. What situation best describes your work with clients from racially diverse populations?

They asked a few more, but I'm tired of transcribing...

Mid-May Update

"Hard to believe it's already...."

That clique always makes me cringe, but oh-so true, especially when unemployed.
"It's already fucking MID MAY?!?!?"
Ugh.

I had five interviews last week. Here they are, from least to most exciting:

1: An entry-level job going door-to-door promoting renewable energy. A valiant cause and something along the line of my Master's studies, but... with a base pay of $11/hr and significant driving required around the area, I had to turn down the actual job offer. I think I just applied for an ego-boost, as I knew they'd offer me the job.

2: An entry-level job at a large social service agency that I'm trying to work for. They admit this is a foot in the door, and though only part-time, the base pay isn't bad. Actually, I don't know what the base-pay is, but I'll take it. The job is overnights staff at group homes for "underserved youth", and the interview (actually a second interview at one of the homes) was the product of months-long harassment assertion with these folks for me to work, volunteer or do anything with them. Slowly...

3: A mid-level job with another large social service agency helping people. The interview was also a second interview (after a weird double screening phone interview that was a month earlier), and was for two positions AND a couple temp positions. I really feel like a shoe-in for this one, and if I don't get it I'm going to beat down the door and ask why!  Fun fact: as we waited for the third interviewer to arrive, the main interviewer -my potential boss- asked me about my graduate school program! I tried hard to bite my tongue and say good things about it, but he kept on asking follow-up questions. Awkward!

Oh yeah, the job pays... not horribly (which I define as around $11/hr) but pretty poorly, especially considering my graduate fees.

AND, one last bit: it's a new program in a stretched social service agency and they've taken months to move forward on this, so I'd be surprised if I hear from them within two weeks.

4: A program director for a tiny non-profit organization, that calls itself an organization of organizations. I thought this was my strongest interview, though I got hung up on the term "capacity building". I really don't know how to assess the interview: the position is a little vague, and the office tiny.

I also asked my new favorite interview question: "What, if any, reservations might you have about me filling this position?". They received the question awesomely, and said "you have great experience..." and the reservations were some of the computer programs, adding "I don't think that is a big issue, they can be learned quickly".

5. Screening interview last week (side note: interviewers: it's VERY BAD FORM to conduct phone interviews on speaker phone, especially when the interviewee says "are you on a speaker phone? Cause it's really hard hearing you..."); in-person panel interview yesterday. Small social service agency, but I believe one of the few jobs that would actually pay me what most people think someone with a Master's degree and 15 years of experience ought to make. So I'm trying not to be too excited.

Again, though, this interview had its moments. They're so weird! They made me write an interview afterwards introducing myself to staff... PLEASE LORD INTERVIEWERS WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY? CAUSE I PROMISE I'LL SAY IT...

Sometimes I wish I were just  windmill.