2 +2 = 0

Greetings from my hometown, far away from where I live.
I came out here to visit family for a week. Hadn't seen them in a while. It's pretty quiet out here, but the entire time I'm thinking, "do I have to move back here?"

The rat race, y'know, is just a rat race.

I made the mistake this morning of going over my job-hunt chart. Nothing will ruin your morning that going over 950 job applications and the 80 or so interviews you've had!

I had four interviews in the two days before I left. One was low-paying and part-time with troubled kids; they had the courtesy of telling me I didn't get the job (I emailed back asking for pointers, haven't heard yet). Another was equally low-paying, but full-time helping people; I didn't get a good vibe from the boss. He said he'd make a decision that day, and hasn't contacted me since. I assume a no. One was decent paying, but organizing (re: 60 hours a week); they wanted to schedule an in-person interview, but have had trouble picking a date, probably since they're working so much. The last one was also a phone interview, probably well paying and not 60 hour weeks; it was a little unsettling this morning to find the job posted again. For some reason I doubt they liked me. Can't say why... I wish they'd just tell me why.

THIS IS WHY I BLOG
Cause I can't tell anyone about this. No one will listen, no one wants to hear. I don't want sympathy.
Ok, I do want sympathy, but social norms say that I shouldn't seek it.
What good will it do?
Maybe a personal connection to the unemployment crisis? So people know that people THEY KNOW are suffering, and what exactly that suffering is?
Or how ridiculous it is that a guy who JUST WANTS TO HELP OTHER PEOPLE and is willing to accept minimum wage doing so can't even get a fucking job.
Ugh.
I think I'll go for a run.

February in review

Job applied to (in February): 37
Interviews: 3 (including second interview)
Rejections: 2
Feedback after rejection: 1
Feedback highlight: "Competition was very tight, so consider it an honor to have gotten an interview. We admire your passion and background. However, other candidates had spent decades analyzing data..."

It's another Monday in another month of unemployment.
I don't know what to do.
I really don't know what to do.

"I had a bad day. Ain't gonna make it"

A week ago -hell, more than that, 10 days ago- I got called for an interview to take place tomorrow.
Then on Friday they gave me details and an assignment.
It's a good job, in my field of study.
It's a state job and an honor to be considered.
And it's in Capitol City, at least an hour away without traffic. (The logistics of working an hour away is a bridge to be crossed later).
The assignment was analyzing a very long and complicated excel file, and would conclude with a five me presentation on the file.

I consulted a friend with a PhD about the file and got a plan of attack.
No problem.

But my car's in the shop, and getting a car to go down there proved to be more difficult than expected.

So I had a breakdown. A pretty bad one, tears and all, contemplating the future and envisioning myself following the footsteps of my uncle and leading a pseudo-survivalist existence on the mountainous edge of civilization, spending the rest of my life dodging student loans and government agents attempting to collect on student loans.

(In all reality, I'd probably just end up living in my mom's basement in the closest town to the mountainous edge of civilization, except my mom doesn't have a basement. We'd be full-on roommates, which is pretty unsettling in itself.)

So I bailed. I emailed the job this evening.

It pains me to say this, but I've had a series of set-backs today and regrettably will not be able to make the interview tomorrow morning. I'm very sorry, thank you for giving me the opportunity.

Do you know what a government job means? Do you know how well it pays? Do you know how hard it was to write this.

It was a bad day.

Job Interview Hints 101

original found here

The inherent racism/classism in our social service field, Part 1

I had a second interview for a job. It’d be a good job finding housing for homeless people. I’d do well. I think the interview went well. We had a nice chat. They seem like good people. They mentioned flexibility and creativity quite a bit. I like the organization’s mission.

Those are the pluses.

Not only is the office 23 miles away, but the job requires considerable amount of driving. I’d probably have to get a new car.


And it pays $16.38 an hour.

I’ve been wanting to opine about money for a while. There’s an unspoken rule in US society (as in many Western nations) that you don’t talk about income. It’s taboo.

I don’t think this is a good rule.

As a result, “low-paying” is a relative term instead of a concrete term. One person’s low-wage is another’s dream wage.

ANECDOTE #1: A few months ago, I posted on Facebook the question I got in an interview: “What’s your expected salary”. I really didn’t know how to reply to this and asked for people’s advice. One friend of mine said flatly: “$65k a year minimum plus benefits”.

Holy fucking shit, I’ve never made half that amount in my life.

ANECDOTE #2: I used to serve on the board of a non-profit that worked with low-income people. Once at a meeting, the Executive Director said he was seeking to hire a part-time staffer, .75FTE, paying $30,000 a year. Incredulously, the Board president (who, unbelievably, worked in the social-service sector) scoffed, “Who in Seattle would take a job that only pays $30,000 a year!” Three of us chimed in: “I’ve never made that much money in my life”.

Our unspoken social rules of never discussing income among your/our peers has turned concrete realities into abstract hypotheticals. “If you don’t make enough money, how will you save for retirement? How will you pay for your kids? What about a new car, and vacation cruises?”

No, that’s not what I’m talking about. Let me crunch some numbers for you:

I’m considering a job paying $16.50/hr. (I’ll leave the rant of the social costs/benefits of this position -and all social service positions- for another time. right now, let me just indulge in some self-pity).
At forty hours a week comes to: $660, or $2640/mo or $31,680 a year, all that before taxes.

My last position was in the school district, non-teacher. My hourly rate was $22, but only for nine and a half months of the year, so my annual income was usually under $30k (I think once, when I was reffing at the school as well I made over that).

But I didn’t have debt. Then I went to graduate school. I don’t even want to talk about that debt.

“No one goes into public service expecting to get rich” is the line that’s often batted about, and I agree, I never planned on getting rich. I would, however, like to pay my bills in a timely fashion.
I would like to not foreclose on my house.

I have fantasies of switching places with my girlfriend/current bread winner (making over $40k a year) so she can stay home and.. gee, I don’t know, have some kids or something. But crunching the numbers with the status quo is hard enough to stomach, let alone throwing a kid into the mix, or that my girlfriend likes financial stability, which above job scenario doesn’t include.

And did I mention needing a new car? (I love my current ride specifically because I don’t drive it regularly. It’s a 30 year old VW van! A 50 mile daily commute would kill it quickly.) There’s no math including a car that doesn’t drastically reduce the income. “Good mileage” would be lucky to be 25mpg... two gallons a day is $7 less daily income, which comes out to $1650 a year in the above scenario.

(Anecdote #3: last summer I had a p/t job with a well-known and not-well liked youth service organization. They paid $10 as “guess camp counselor” around the area. They wanted me to drive 30 miles one-way to work for an hour; They struggled to get me three hours a day of work, each site 10-20 miles from the other. I could only get mileage if I went into the office first, which was 13 miles in the opposite direction. The math came out to break even with fuel costs. Luckily, I found something better.)

Do I crunch the numbers with my potential income and expensive? Or is that just too depressing?

$2600 (let’s pretend briefly that there are no taxes)
-$1500 mortgage (currently, gf pays half; I’m in debt to her and remember above fantasy)
-$100 utilities (low-ball; electric, sewer, water, garbage)
-$200 groceries
-$50 cellphone (these are high-ball figures, just to make the math easier)
-$50 internet
-$50 car insurance
-$150 gas for commuting alone

Which leaves about $500 a month after expenses, no even getting to paying off student loans.

It ain’t a pretty picture.

ANECDOTE #4: A year ago I interned at an environmental organization. I did a good job and had a good report with the boss. A few months later, they were hiring. I asked if I should apply. “Too junior for you”, he said. Safe to guess that the position started at $40k, standard pay for an entry level environmental job

To be continued...

Another interview, and another

I had two interviews last week on the same day.

One actually went better than most. It'd be a good job. Pay is horrible, but hey, it's a job and since I'm looking to work for free, any pay is better than nothing.

But that interview was on Thursday, the small department of a very large social services agency. The time between applying and the interview was less than a week, a nearly phenomenal turn-around time. But that was Thursday and today is Monday evening. Guessing they interviewed four people maximum... how long does it take to decide? Maybe you give it the weekend to think it over? Maybe a day to check references? Maybe... yeah, not feeling so good about it right now.

(The other job later last Thursday, the usual dud. And the job I interviewed for last week, they MAILED me a rejection letter. I hate mailed rejection letters).

Two weeks ago I talked to yet another small department of a large social service agency about volunteering for them. (Actually, I first contacted them January 18th. It's now February 11th.) Even working for free isn't easy to do.

So yeah, nothing new to report, but there's never been anything new to report. This has got to be the boringest blog ever.

An interview, blah blah

This photo is actually relevant to the interview I had.

Yesterday I had my first interview in nearly a month. (Though, in all fairness, I had a sorta-interview with a friend of a friend's place last week. It was an impossible job, that had several misfitting aspects of it. We agreed I wasn't a good fit).

Yesterday's interview was for an... community organization in my hometown. (I don't really want to move back to my hometown, but the thought has come up for reasons I may get into some point later). I'd applied their on a whim and -Holy Cow!- they contacted me pretty soon after for an interview.

I was over-qualified and the pay was on the low-end (but good for the field). But phone interviews -like most interviews- are... weird? Lackluster? Disheartening? Leave much to be desired?

I know I was nervous at first and answered question awkwardly, but I tried engaging her, the interviewer. I'd like to think I was successful in that regard (engaging). I doubt very much I'll go to round two.

SHE ASKED A FEW QUESTIONS that threw me off.  First, "Tell me about yourself". Um, a bit too general. Where do you want me to start? With my birth? Cause that's fascinating. (Aside from the miracle of life, there are other interesting aspects of my birth -mostly, the location- that makes an interesting story, people drop their jaws, and it's almost relative to the position.)

But I didn't start with my birth. I also didn't start with my 18th birthday, or specifically three months later when I flew across the ocean to spend the better part of two years tramping around Asia.

Maybe I should have. Instead I just tried giving a narrative of my "career".

WHICH SEGUED TO AN AWKWARD, LEADING QUESTION, one I fear: "You've done a lot of different things. Why is that? Have you tried changing careers?"

I thought it wasn't far. My professional narrative is clear that Career Path 1 resulted in side projects of Career Path 2, which lead perfectly to my graduate degree. (Shit, woman, if you want to piss an interviewee off, you know how to do it!) I tried underscoring that point. I don't know if I succeeded.

I never know if I've ever succeeded with the minor details of interviewing (like, the part that doesn't land the job).

Which reminds me: I've wanted something for this whole job hunt experience: someone to call up interviewers (after my interviewer, after I've been rejected) and do some QC on my interview. That's really what I want a career counselor to do: forget the theoretical, what about people's actual opinions of my actual interviews?

I'd love to do tit-for-tat with someone in this regard. I'd love this blog to get read enough that I could pose that offer to my readers and the line "if you want to do this, leave a message in the comments" didn't come across as awkward.