Here we go again

For the second time in five years, I'm relaunching this blog.
Big sigh.
False alarm!
Now, where were we?
Fact is, I never told you what happened.
Fact is, I never kept up this blog.
Fact is, I never liked writing it in the first place, never liked chronicling the woes of being unemployed (or more accurately but just as painful, 'underemployed').

And the reasons for that might be linked to my job hunt in general. There's a strong 'woe is me' pity party inherent in this blog, and I'm not big on pity.
There's also an element of ego, and I'm not big on ego. In fact, I'm pretty against ego. I've strived long and hard to rid myself of ego and its brother's arrogance and over estimated self worth. I try to go forth in this world modest and humble, but this world, especially job hunting, demands ego and claims of greatness. A lot of problems of this modern world are caused by white guys who think too highly of themselves, so I don't call myself white, and I take pains to keep my ego in check.
/rant.

Which means I keep my words selective and few. Which means I don't post very often. But I also don't advertise or have readers, so who notices?
This is just for me, right?

ANYway, I got fired today and oh yeah, I stopped writing because I got a job. It was back in May, and I actually had four job offers in a week, each one better than the previous.
Over two thousand job applications and two hundred and twelve interviews, and nine offers for full time permanent employment and four of them in what I thought would be the end of the job hunt, but was actually just the end of my job hunt for the time being.
More on those numbers later.

So I'm still in the analyzing phase. The short of it is, I think she was very negative, bad mouthing the job and the organization in the first week, while she probably thinks I'm lazy. Placing blame doesn't good anyone any good, and I'm still reflecting. I wasn't shocked by the termination (though a little surprised at its timing) and am taking it with strides, and I ask myself why and conclude that the negativity and lack of support were something that I'm really glad not to deal with.

I'm sure I'll have more thoughts, and maybe even I'll share them here.

Can I just say this is weird?

A benefit of having a blog is that instead of replying with what would be an unprofessional comment, I can just say it here instead. For example, this email I just got, subject heading "Follow-Up":

Thank you for your interest in the newly posted positions here at T___ F___. I would like to introduce myself; my name is B___ G___ the Director of Programs and I look forward to connecting with you for an opportunity to interview. At this time we are screening applicants if you are determined to be the best match someone will follow up to schedule a time to talk further.

Huh?

So you're saying hi, and you look forward to an interview, but -wait, that should be BUT!- you're still screening applicants? So you're not really looking forward to an interview with me, as I haven't been screened into the pool yet... and if I am, someone ELSE will actually follow-up to schedule that interview???

Is it just me, or is this is a really weird message?

Idea: Job Advocate

I'm just starting to send this to a few a job coaches, counselors, and others I've talked to in the last five years or so. Still seeking feedback, or an actual "Job Advocate".

Hello,

I am writing to you because you have helped me in the past. 

Unfortunately, my situation has not changed and I am still looking for a full-time, permanent position.  I would like to share a mutually beneficial idea with you that I have been mulling over for years.

THE PROBLEM

There are plenty of resources for job seekers on the far ends of the spectrum:  low-skilled workers have WorkSource and other agencies that place in entry-level positions; executives have headhunters to help them find the perfect job. Like the shrinking middle class, there are few resources out there for people like me: well beyond entry-level, highly educated, experienced, and skilled, but not an executive, or seeking an executive position. There are career counselors to help mid-career transitioners ‘figure out’ what they want to do; there are job coaches to help people prepare for interviews, but there’s not much help if you know what you want to do and have solid interviewing skills.

THE SOLUTION

A ‘job advocate’ arrangement that pays upon placement in a job. Instead of paying up-front for coaching/job hunt assistance, I will reward half of my first month’s paycheck (this is negotiable) to whomever helps me get a job.

WHY?

I recently had my 210^th interview, but I’ve only had 5 offers for permanent employment.  At this point it is worth exploring things I can do to improve and other creative options. However, my desire to remain professional and polite (along with my non-aggressive personality) makes it difficult for me to pressure interviewers for ‘hard feedback’; it also keeps me from calling potential employers for the ‘inside scoop’.

In short, the person I am looking for would:

• Advocate for me
• Get the hard feedback from past interviewers
• Politely but assertively contact HR staff and potential employers, getting the ‘inside scoop’ on positions

DETAILS

• The job must be permanent and full-time (some part-time positions considered).
• Due to my FedLoan status (as well as my personal and professional objectives) the position has to be with a nonprofit organization or government. Private sector jobs will be considered, but pay has to compensate for the change in loan status.
• The job must be a reasonable match for my skills, experience, and education. I’d only consider an entry level position if it looked promising towards a long-term profession.
• To give some specific figures: I currently struggle to make $2000 a month; a 'good job' of the time I'm seeking pays between $3000-4000 a month, so my Job Advocate would get $1500-2000 for successfully getting me a job.

IN CONCLUSION

What do you think? Would this work? What details have I left out? If ‘half of one month’s pay’ isn’t enough of an incentive, what about ‘half of two month’s pay’ or ‘full first paycheck’? What is the barrier keeping this proposal from working?

Your feedback is appreciated!

Thank you,

I gotta stop applying for these jobs

I forget which interview this was on Thursday, #208? 210? Something like that.
It was almost identical to #206: working with absolute destitute homeless folks. (The city has declared a state of emergency on homelessness, thus all the jobs).

A few weeks ago I carpet bombed craigslist, sending out generic cover letters to a dozen places in the nonprofit job section.

I remembered this place because although it was for a "Lead Case Manager", there was no agency name on the application.

So when I got a call on Monday about an interview for the "Lead Case Manager" position, I had to ask at the end of the call, 'who are you again?'

That may have set them back a little, but it was a sign of things to come.

I was told to go to an address at 11am. I went there, a run down three-story building in a run down part of town. There was a secure door and a directory with a phone and instructions on how to call tenants to get it. I picked up the phone, dialed the number, and... nothing. I did this a few times before looking up the number on my own phone. "I'm outside but I can't get it", I told the receptionist. "I'll come right out," she said. Ok. The directory said the agency was on the third floor, so I imagined the amount of time it'd take the receptionist to get up from her desk, walk out of the office to the elevator, press the button, wait for the elevator to arrive, etc. Maybe it was a really slow, old elevator. Maybe it was jammed. Maybe she took the stairs. Whatever the case, no woman appeared at the door.
Minutes passed.
I didn't want to appear impatient, so I waited. Five minutes then I called again. "I went out and looked for you but you weren't there!" Said the receptionist. We clarified exactly where I was (facing the school, facing the numbered building of the address given to me). "Oh, come around the corner" she said.
This is too long, and we haven't even gotten to the unsettling parts. It's a homeless shelter for some of the worst situations out there.
They didn't know I was supposed to have an interview.
There was some shuffling about and finally I went into the room with two people and a third -the one who called me to schedule the interview- on a speaker phone.
"Why on earth would you want to work here?!?!" Asked the speaker on the phone for the first question.

The other two barely made eye contact with me.

In short, it was awkward. I was cordial and used all my standard answers and managed -I think- to even appear interested in the job.

After the interview I got a tour of the place, and honestly homeless shelter are much more unsettling when you just stumble into them. Once you get a tour, they're a lot more comfortable.
The next day I got a call from the lady on the speaker phone -the director- clarifying the pay rate, which was never mention in the interview. $18/hr she said.

Ugh. I gotta stop applying for jobs like that.

Difficult questions

Had an interview yesterday, #206! I’m slogging through it, trying not to fuck up too badly, giving ‘reasonable’ answers to all their questions. (It’s a union-backed temp job with the city, so every question is delivered as robotically as possible). Then I get to the last one: “Tell us why you’re the best candidate for the position”.

Few questions illicit such a visceral reaction (the other that comes to mind is “what’s your salary requirements”, on which I think I’ve ranted before).

I shyly reiterated how my education, skills, and experience match what they’re looking for, like the robot that is processing the questions. Trying to add the cherry to the top, I add “and I’m dedicated to the cause”, and something about being an artist (as the job had to do with arts).

The cherry topped a shit sundae and I knew it.

This is what I wanted to say: I am a dedicated servant to my fellow peeps, especially those less fortunate than me. I am inherently by nature not a selfish, self-aggrandizing, or self-centered person. In fact, one of my major challenges in running for public office was that it was ALL ABOUT ME, and I loathe the limelight. (I really had to work on that, and it was very difficult to see my name splattered on signs all over the neighborhood.) I do the right thing because it is the right thing to do. If I really thought I was the best person for anything, I wouldn’t be in this line of work. Cause I don’t know if I’m the best, I don’t know who the other people are, I’m sure they’re excellent too. I can’t say I’m better than them. (It was different in my campaign: the incumbent was well known, and I had specific policy grievances with him, as well proposals and visions that were vastly different. It was cute.)

So no, I can’t say why I’m the best person for this job, and asking me makes me want to crawl into a hole.

I am not competitive by nature. I never have been. I’ve never tackled a challenge because I thought I could do it better, or that I was better than someone else. Nothing on my resume is there for that reason. I do things because it’s the right thing to do, because I want a better world, because there are so many injustices out there than need to be undone. In fact, it could be argued quite strongly that the much of the world’s problems are because some people think too highly of themselves. I don’t even remember if I voted for myself (which one out, the quest for humility, or my own vote? I don’t remember, and it was a fierce debate in the voting booth).

So why am I the best candidate? I’m not. Lots of people are. Some might also be in line for interview. Don’t make me disparage them or inflate my ego to get this job. 

Thank you.

 

For those keeping track

Today's rejection was from Interview #202!

Since then I've had two other interviews, and have two scheduled for tomorrow, one of them a second interview at a "worst-case scenario" homeless shelter, ie the trenches. I've already worked in the trenches, a couple times, and don't want to work there again.

If every interview were a plastic bottle, it'd look something like this

Today’s gutwretch brought to you by....

(Internal thought process: do I run some sort of search on my spreadsheet to update the number of interviews I’ve had, as like salt on the wound of this one? Or do I just plow ahead?)

I’m really sick of this.

It’s been two weeks since I updated the blog, and honestly I lose track of all the interviews. Last I wrote, I had an uplifting conversation with ASU. Right before that, the summary of a frustrating and brief interview. What I didn’t mention in that post, was that I ran home for that phone interview from a separate interview in the morning with  mid-sized local nonprofit helping chronically unemployed adults get work.

Shudder.

I thought about saying “THIS IS ME!” but restrained myself. Afterall, I didn’t have a career for 20 years in an industry that disappeared. I’m not 50, only 43. I haven’t been unemployed for 5 years, I’ve been underemployed, scrambling for a couple part-time minimum wage jobs. And my industry didn’t disappear, I sought a career change and accrued $70,000 in student debt for a Master’s degree that gets me about $20,000 a year. So I’m not the perfect client, but close.

ANYway, interview went well… blah blah, sent a thank you note. And waited. That was two weeks ago from Friday. I meant to call Friday, but didn’t. And no better way to start the day than with a phone call to a job interview that you’re pretty sure you didn’t get!

She was caught a little off guard. They filled the position, and she apologized for not getting back to me. I kept my dignity and didn’t burst into tears, managed to ask about other positions, using her for a reference, etc etc.

Then I hung up. Then I cried.

Maybe I'm not crazy

I got a call from Mick at ASU this morning.

I'd interviewed with him three weeks ago, one of the best interviews I'd ever had. It's a university job, so I know the hiring process takes an extra long time. Then again, I gave a great interview, but was luke-warm in morning to Arizona.
Regardless, he called me up. They interviewed six people and offered the position to someone else, "but I just want you to know you've done some great stuff, and really appreciate the work you've done. Keep it up."
Or something like that.

This job hunting process now nears five years and it's been hell, so it's good to hear that I'm not crazy, I'm actually worthy, I've done good things and other people recognize that, even if they don't offer me a job.

Could you make it more obvious?

Originally this week's post was going to be complaint about the interview with the limited time options.
(They emailed on Tuesday inviting me to an interview Friday at 12:30. I already had an interview scheduled for 1pm on Friday, so... yeah, awkward. I responded I wasn't available Friday afternoon, but totally open Thursday or Monday. They responded suggesting Friday morning. I knew pushing another day wouldn't bode well, probably boot me from the interview process and possibly negating any future chances with this organization -a mid-sized place with a dozen locations locally, over a hundred staff, with whom I'd interviewed in 2012 and in the last year applied to five times -to the point I was wondering if I should bother. I almost called and asked why I hadn't gotten an interview before?)
But I digress: I took the 10:30 slot. and raced home to prep for the second interview.

About that one: large, national nonprofit organization I had never heard of before. Broad, vague job description. I was excited for the interview, I started prepping immediately after being scheduled, a week in advance.

The first flag was when the scheduler, who spoke with the complete ennui of a lethargic office worker, wanted to schedule the interview two weeks out. That was a little concerning, and I asked if there was any time before that. The scheduler thoroughly combed through the interviewer's calendar, talking through the different days ("she had an appointment until 4 that day... then she has a meeting at 5..."). We settled on today.

Great!

Or not?

The second flag was the muffled speaker phone. Ok, I can work through that, no problem. Then she started asking questions -simple ones that I expected and fired back. Why do you want this job? Why are people poor? Elaborate on your work with Job D (the project I organized that won a Human Rights Award from the United Nations Association.)

Third flag: "That was only for two months?!?". She was unimpressed. I ORGANIZED A PROGRAM THAT PROTECTED PEOPLE FROM HATE CRIMES AFTER 9/11 AND IT WON A HUMAN RIGHTS AWARD, AND YES IT WAS ONLY FOR TWO MONTHS.

Sigh.

Then her phone rang. "Excuse me for a moment," she said. I'm unfazed when an interviewer interrupts an interview to answer a phone call. Being fazed in that situation will never do anyone any good. After a minute she got back to me. "I'm so sorry about that," she said, and went on with a brief segue of her personal life -husband, daughter, dog, dog walker- and that her dog had been attacked and was currently at the vet. "I would only interrupt an interview for something about my kid or my dog".
"No problem. I understand completely," I said. And I did. That was as good reason if there ever was. Let's get back to the interview.
"Well, those are all the questions I have for you," she said. WE'RE AT THE 15 MINUTE MARK OF THE INTERVIEW, and she says she's done. "Do you have any questions for me?"

As I said, the org was new to me and the position vague, so I asked for specifics. She launched into an exasperated summary, which included the phrase "all this is detailed on our website, which I highly encourage you to look at".

Flag Number Four.

I manage to inject, "I have, thoroughly" but don't think that mattered. She's clearly distracted. She's audibly exasperated and really doesn't want to continue this interview. It'd be foolish to think with 100% certainty that I didn't get this job. I shuffle on to asking about the hiring process, and she delivers a line about the third week of March, blah blah blah.

Ugh.

I have no idea how to shine this turd. At my last obviously failed interview three weeks ago, I still managed to send off a thank you email, addressing the reasons why I didn't think I did so well. I still didn't get that job.

Do I even bother now? Do I say, "Sorry about your dog. Was it just me, or was that interview incredibly short? Afterall, I was really excited about the position and had been reading up and preparing for the interview for over a week. Yet 15 minutes in, you're done, and my questions are dismissed with "read our website". Geez? Thanks?

Double uff.  Have a nice weekend.

WWF

Catching up on the last two years

Dear Blog,

It’s been a while, but don’t think I haven’t been thinking of you. I wanted to pick you back up almost as soon as stopped you, but for a variety of reasons I’ve resisted. Among those reasons: fuck, this is a depressing topic. Also, I have too many blogs, and I neglect all of them. Updating one just seems… unfair. And I wasn’t getting any traction, probably cause I didn’t do any outreach or publicity or promotion. But what was I expecting? A shout-out by Robert Reich, maybe. Or something like that.

So how do I update two years?

In short, blog, I quit you because I got a job, but the job turned out to be horrible. As an indication, the average employee life span was nine months, something I hit perfectly. (My replacement, reportedly, lasted two weeks. The guy hired to replace the person who left before me last five months, and the other woman hired right before I left lasted three. Two other people left shortly after I did, one on zero notice. My supervisor was in cahoots with the director to double-bill our client, meaning she was working another job within the organization instead of supervising us. I asked her point blank how many hours a week she was working as our supervisor, and she rolled her eyes and hem-hawed, “I dunno, 25 to 30?”. We all worked in social services with mentally unstable people, we all knew when someone was bullshitting, and all agreed she was being very, very generous. And completely unaware/indifferent to the unethical practice in which she was engaging, or how her absence was effecting us, and our ability to do our jobs. And she was also flirty, and unprofessionally so, which was important in regards to this last fact: the job was incredibly depressing and difficult. I sat in a room with professional –social workers, parole office, mental health experts- and we were all dumbfounded on how to help this week. One told me “that will probably be the most difficult case you ever have”, and I hope it was. Another example: sitting in a meeting of thirty of us listening to how a teenage client’s nine-month old sister was raped and murdered, followed with “the client doesn’t know about the rape part, so when she comes in don’t mention it”. All thirty of us –hardened social workers- were crying. That when I told myself that $17.40 an hour wasn’t worth it.

Days after that meeting I relaunched the whole interview machine. 

Frankenstein's monster breathed once again. 

Pretty soon I had a promising second interview –I committed an all-fronts assertion on that one, contacting friends of friends who knew the Executive Director- but didn’t get it. However, it just reinforced how bad my job was and how badly I had to leave. Shit, not only did it pay $18 an hour, but it had nothing to do with raped and murdered babies. That alone is worth at least $2 an hour more in equivalent benefits.

Each successive interview compounded my intolerance of my job. I had another second interview, which invited me back to a third, with a couple other interviews thrown in as well. I was desperate to leave and I was so close to something, I knew I was. Furthermore, my girlfriend was embarking on a dream: a solo trip to Africa –including Kinshasa and ‘the most remote region on the continent’. Stakes were rising. A week before she left, I canceled a  work meeting to go to an interview. My boss found out and didn’t like it. She called me in with her supe and gave me an ultimatum. I was so close and hated the job so much, I quit. The next day the third interview gave me a thanks butt. I didn’t want to worry my girlfriend before she departed for this incredible adventure of hers, so I played a game for a few days.

I don’t regret quitting that job, but the next month was hell, perhaps the worst in this long ordeal. I was absolutely fucking determined that in a month, my girlfriend would return and I had a happy situation to share with her. “I have new job! Yay!” I did everything possible, including personally emailing all my contacts my resume, seeing a couple job coaches, sending out fifty applications and a dozen interviews. The second lowest point, after the raped and murdered baby (by the way, I never told my girlfriend or anyone else about that, so feel honored, blog!), was the day I worked at Goodwill, entry-level sorting clothes for $10 an hour. The lowest two minutes was when a guy I knew from grad school came in and was shopping as I was being told how to sort long sleeve shirts by color. It was a lesson of shame and humiliation straight out of “Nickeled and Dimed”: guy with a master’s degree and fifteen years professional experience so deperate for work, he omits that all from an application, only to be moritified by the position when he actually gets it, he works only one day. 

Classist of me? Perhaps. Embarrassing for my grad school? Definitely.

Eventually, my girlfriend returned. The most shameful thing was not being able to tell her I had succeeded and had a job. I forgot what I told her.

Where are we in this timeline? Late August, 2014 I think. I poured on the application process, with seveal more almost but thanks butts. Then out of the blue in mid-October I got a call: one of my thanks butts (actually, she never told me thanks butt, I called and emailed her to give me an answer for  nearly a month, but no response) forwarded my name to this guy. He was desperate: part-time, temp city job with kids and conservation, right up my alley. We talked on Wednesday. Job started Saturday. I already had a commitment that Saturday, but after that I was free.

So I got a life-line, sorta. Part-time, temporary interim (ie: no benefits) city job paying $16.40 an hour, but it doesn’t involved raped and murdered babies so it feels like $18.40. The max is twenty hours a week and policy says no more than a thousand hours a year, so if I take a two week unpaid vacation, I’m good. And I’ve figured out that if the rough calculation from hourly to annual is H2000, the calculation from p/t hourly to annual is H1000. Go math!

This new routine gave me some breathing room and stability in 2015, but the ‘waves aren’t completely drowning me’ sorta stability, not a total head-above-water stability. I was pickier in applying to jobs, resulting in the lowest numbers of this process. And few interviews too. But I could take vacation when I wanted, and my girlfriend negotiated a good raise so if we were married, our combined income was stellar. But if we were married, my debts would bring her down. So we’re not married.

In August I had a job offer in Montana. It hurt. It was a dream job, minus any benefits and paying $14 an hour. It actually sucked. Not taking that job may turn out to be the biggest regret of my life.

That kinda brings me up to now, President’s Day, February 15^th, 2016.

I really don’t want to continue. Writing all this out has predictably aggravated the knots in my stomach, the huge, festering, bowling ball knots in my stomach. Some backfire you got there, diary! Pouring my heart out is supposed to make me feel better! Now look where you’ve brought me.

ANYway, August saw a job offer that was perfect in some ways and torturous in others, namely that it wasn’t completely perfect, nor even good enough to accept. Or so I thought. I knew whatever decision I’d make, the result would be the same: I’d regret it. Id regret taking the job if I did, I’d regret not taking it if I didn’t. But onwards. The Fall saw me with a slightly fewer interviewing schedule than the previous four Falls, but I reffed a lot and worked enough and that kept me busy.

I also expected a lot of interviews in January, per past experience (January 2014 I had ten). Instead I had only two, one of which was a fairly placed punch to the gut (ironically, helping immigrants get jobs. Again I aced the interview. This time they gave me a reason, ‘hiring a long time volunteer’. I did get a job offer in the boring Capital City of my home state. Years ago I sent a minimum requirement of $40 thousand to move out of state. This job paid $39 thousand. My girlfriend didn’t want me to go. Nuff said.

Then came February.

A job I had been looking for since September opened up. A friend of a friend left a ‘dream job’ at a local college, perfectly up my alley. I‘d met with him two years before and called him up as soon as I heard he was leaving and saw him again in his second to last day. Oddly the job wasn’t posted until four months later, but once it did I jumped all over it, rallying my contacts and pulling out all the stops. So I was a bit stoked to actually get the interview (previous openings for this job at a separate but similar nearby college yielded 250 applications) and even dished out $150 to an interview coach to help prep. But I bombed the interview: the energy was vapid, the questions oddly worded and my answers awkward and rambling. At one point I could clearly hear the drone of the ventilation system drown out the snoozes from the interview panel. I sucked and I knew it.

Funnily, before that interview I got a call for another one the following morning, identical position in Arizona. Even though I goofed on the interview time (AZ follows mountain time! Who knew!?), even though they woke me out of bed at 8:30am, even though I had stayed out the night before playing soccer and drinking beer, even though I had little sleep and felt horrible, I aced the interview.

For those of you keeping track: interview #194, community college: bombed. 

#195. ASU: The Bomb.

Then I got another call for yet another dream job interview on Thursday. Again, I pulled out all the stops. I thought it was my best interview ever. And just to top it off, I got scheduled for yet another interview, the next day. That one went so-so.

#196: The Bomb Bomb. 

#197: meh.

But before the week was over, Dream Job, IV #196, emailed me a thanks butt. An hour later #195 did the same.

So Valentine’s Day weekend got off on the wrong foot.